Comedian and TV writer Brendan McLaughlin teaches us how to survive unemployment, how to befriend an Olsen Twin, how to write promos for Jerry Springer, how to do bad celebrity impressions, how to write for a travel show without traveling, how to find a good coffee shop to work in, and how to make watching Netflix all day sound productive. Then we throw Brendan some tough job interview questions for careers he never wanted. Please hire Brendan to be your wet-nurse magician Batman.
"Inside Amy Schumer" writer and comedian Mike Lawrence teaches us how to watch professional wrestling, how to grow up with a comedian for a parent, how to stop being a slam poet, how to turn a roast battle into a job, and how to work at McDonald's for seven years. Plus, we find out what Hitler's professional wrestling name would be. Unfortunately, it was already taken.
In this special holiday episode, Mike teaches Jess how to find the perfect Christmas gift for your loved ones, how to survive childhood in Florida, how to get a job at SNL, how to be goth, how to become Cisco certified, how to read a script about a talking vagina, and how to find a present for a grandma who loves “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Then Jess teaches Mike how to be a Jew in December. And then we both learn the true meaning of Christmas! Just kidding, but we do talk about "The Mask." This episode is smokin'!!!
“Inside Amy Schumer,” “Kroll Show,” and "SNL" writer Christine Nangle teaches us how to get through crushing heartbreak, how to get rid of a Philly accent then get famous for doing a Philly accent, how to survive childhood without cable TV, how to enrage internet trolls, how to write comedy that you believe in, how to be vulnerable, and most importantly, how to resist texting an ex. Then we play The Breakup Game and find out how you’d break up with a creepy doll that’s come to life.
"Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" writer and comedian Charla Lauriston teaches us how to make a hit web series, how to work for a U.S. senator, how to deal with moths, how to get your creative friends to work for you, how to accidentally name your show after a body part, how to turn a web series into a television-writing job, and how to survive the most embarrassing childhood moment in the history of mankind. Warning: You may burst into uncontrollable laughter at work or in public while listening to this story.
Kinda Funny host and former IGN writer Greg Miller teaches us how to start an online business, how to have the ultimate Taylor Swift concert experience, how to make a career out of loving video games, how to use Patreon, how to grow a loyal fan base on YouTube, how to tear up your life and move across the country for a new job, and how to tear up that life to start a website of your own. Then Greg tells us the perfect snack food to pair with various dishes. What should you eat for dessert after feasting on human flesh and horse meatballs? Greg will tell you.
"Jimmy Kimmel Live!” and Marvel Comics writer Jeff Loveness teaches us how to travel the world alone, how to make viral videos about Spider-Man and Wes Anderson, how to express Groot’s many emotions, how to look like Slender Man, how to accidentally crash a monk’s funeral, how to write really dark Onion headlines, and how to make friends at a hostel. Then we play a game of "Zoinks!" where we think of comic book sound effects for mundane everyday activities. Krumpff, it's a fun game!
Journalist, novelist, and Lenny Letter editor-in-chief Jessica Grose teaches us how to become a cult leader, how to actually do something with an English major, how to get a blog-to-book deal, how to pronounce “GIF,” how to appreciate the hotness of Martin O’Malley, and how to “flirty fish." Plus, we play a game of “Clickbait It,” where we turn historical events into internet-friendly headlines.
Comedy manager Kara Welker talks to us about how to get noticed in comedy, how to handle emotionally unstable performers, how to distinguish an agent from a manager, how to appreciate Tinder even if you're married, how 'the biz' has changed over the last 20 years, and how to transport a passed-out comedian out of a casino. Plus, we find out how much Kara knows about sitcoms by making her play a game of "Fake or Real." Could a sitcom about Hitler and Eva Braun living next door to a wacky Jewish couple be real? Heil yes!
IGN editor and “Comedy Button” host Brian Altano teaches us how to be a gamer, how you actually CAN’T be a gamer, how to succeed even if you have an art degree, how to not get murdered answering a Craigslist ad, how to make fun of games while also taking them seriously, and how to attract angry internet comments. Then we play “Fanboys,” where we find out what game system various historical figures would use. Listen and find out why Hitler would play Atari Jaguar.
Comedian Myq Kaplan (Last Comic Standing, America's Got Talent, Comedy Central Presents) teaches us how to show gratitude, how to be a bouncy vegan, how to compete with sword-swallowing ventriloquists and crossbow shooters, how to appreciate Niels Bohr and the Talmud, and how to send the perfect mass email to your friends. And of course, how to make puns. Nonstop puns. Puns puns puns. The pun don't stop.
Comedian and "Late Late Show with James Corden” writer Jared Logan teaches us how to be a (non-sexual) dungeon master, how to sing sad songs about coal mining in West Virginia, how to get creative inspiration from doing nothing, how Dungeons & Dragons is like Scientology, and why Donald Trump is a chaotic evil invoker. This episode is nerd nirvana (nerdvana?).
"Walking Dead," "Star Wars: Rogue One," and "Book of Eli" writer Gary Whitta teaches us how to write a screenplay, how to drop out of school at 15 to write video game reviews, how to move to America, how to break into the film industry by accident, how to break screenplay-writing rules, and most importantly, he teaches us what NOT to say to Will Smith. Plus, we play a game of "Robot, Zombie, Jedi." Spoiler alert: Being a zombie sucks.
New Yorker and "Late Night" writer Cirocco Dunlap teaches us how to communicate, how NOT to communicate, how to survive hippie LSD-dropping parents in San Francisco, how to vomit-hallucinate your demons on Ayahuasca, how to write a children's book, and how to pick the best position in a human centipede. Then we play a game of "Alphabet," where we try to have a conversation using every letter of the alphabet in order. Plus, we finally find out all of Jess' fears!
"Saturday Night Live” Weekend Update writer Josh Patten teaches us how college football works, how to live in Brazil and say “Titanic” in Portuguese, how to write jokes about dead people, and how Dungeons and Dragons is like improv. Then we play “Post It!” where we come up with New York Post-style punny headlines about historical events.
The Property Brothers Drew and Jonathan Scott teach us how to fake it 'til you make it, how to impress ladies with magic tricks, how to sneak dirty words onto HGTV, how to switch places with your twin, how to talk like a Canadian, and what clown sex might sound like. Plus we play "The NewlyBro Game" to find out how much Drew and Jonathan really know about each other. Who would beat whom in a fight to the death? Which Golden Girl would each of them be? And who is the TRUE star of The Property Brothers??
"Tonight Show" and College Humor writer David Young teaches us how to be a parent, how to say "my wife" without sounding like Borat, how to do the "perfect" Richard Nixon/Harrison Ford impression, how to write for the internet vs. television, how to give your baby a weird name, and how to avoid "Shaking" Baby Syndrome. Plus, we play "What Will They Be," where we try to guess what a baby will turn out to be based on their name. This episode may or may not get you pregnant.
"Late Night with Seth Meyers" writer and "Looking" actor Andrew Law teaches us how to win at NBA Jam. Sort of. He also teaches us how to impersonate a penis, how to have an allergic attack at bar mitvahs, how to kill a giant hornet, and how to realize your fear of failure. Then we play NBA Jam with surprising results. You're on fire!
"Parks and Rec" and "Broad City" writer Jen Statsky teaches us how to be in a stable relationship, how to do a terrible Boston accent (so, a Boston accent), how to have an award-winning butt, and how to live that #vapelife. Then Jess reveals a little too much about her time at summer camp. Way too much. Plus, we test our mental compatibility with Jen in a game of "Say the Same Thing." Seriously, Jess reveals way too much. We're so sorry.
"@midnight" writer and comedian Emmy Blotnick teaches us how to read self-help books, how to cry in public, how NOT to hug yourself, and how to involuntarily make the Tim Allen Home Improvement “euuughh” noise. Plus Mike tells us about the time he tried to ask a girl out with a vampire poem. Then we play a game of “Meditation Mantra or Game of Thrones Character.” Happy self-helping!
Mike's brother and G20 talking points writer Daniel Drucker teaches us how to move to another country, sneak Rick Ross lyrics into speeches, sell Greece as a refurbished Apple product, and survive two months without toilet paper. Then we play a game where we find out the official diplomatic way to say "I'm a bad girl" and "I pooped my pants." Plus, Daniel tells his famous "Any Given Sunday" wedding speech story and talks about getting stuck in the net of "Vampire Diaries."
Also, apologies for the poor sound quality on this one. Skype issues.
"Daily Show" writer Matt Koff teaches us how to parallel park, how to draw the perfect Garfield, how to use that Garfield drawing to get laid, how to appreciate fat jokes, and how to write very unsubtle sexual innuendo for newlyweds. Then we get to know each other by playing "The NewlyMet Game." Bonus mentions of cocaine and Tony Shalhoub! Hurray!!