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How To Be a Person

Comedy writers Mike Drucker ("The Tonight Show," The Onion, Marvel) and Jess Dweck ("The Tonight Show", "Late Night") invite fellow comedians, writers, and other interesting people to teach them how to be normal human beings. Logo by Bryan Brinkman. Theme by Eric Gersen. www.patreon.com/howtobeaperson
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How To Be a Person
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Now displaying: 2016
Dec 29, 2016

We've taken a week off but we'll be back next week to learn about Jess' trip to Cuba!

Dec 22, 2016

Comedian Virginia Jones teaches us how to counteract negative energy, how to get anyone to like you, how to follow someone to another city, how to attend a comedy party, how to start fights on the street, and how to work for Nike. Plus, we play a game of, "What Do You Say to Them?" in which Virginia tells us what she'd say to diffuse any situation.

Dec 15, 2016
Comedian and writer Solomon Georgio teaches us how to manipulate people into doing your bidding, how to have a Christmas porn name, how to immigrate to America from Sudan, how to take apart "It's A Wonderful Life," how to have an American Christmas with immigrant parents, how to catch your dad cheating on your mom, how to pump gas, how to make neck farts, and how to do the world's worst Halle Berry impression. Then we play "Asking for It,"  where we find out what Solomon would ask of Anne Hathaway and Donald Trump.

 

Dec 8, 2016
Comedian and writer Talia Jane teaches us how to become internet infamous, how to publicly quit a job,  how to ease out of a crush, how to not hate millennials, how to solve economic inequality, how to fart in front of a partner, and how to enjoy the disturbing love letters of James Joyce. Then we quiz Talia and find out how to handle the worst possible situations with your crush.

 

Dec 1, 2016

"Adam Ruins Everything" host Adam Conover teaches us the secret to self-improvement, how to grow up with scientist parents, how to be a little bit vegan, how to accidentally create a TV show idea, how to be jealous of Ronan Farrow, how to quit smoking, and how to wear nail polish as a man without being goth. Then we run out of time before we can play a game, but you're getting some good advice here, and we barely talked about the election. Progress!

Nov 25, 2016

Comedian and writer Joseph Scrimshaw teaches us how to watch Doctor Who without hating it, how to still deal with the election, how to live dat #nerdlyfe, how to create new Mountain Dew flavors, how to make a living out of fandom, how to fart on command, how to properly address a Time Lord, how to play VR bar sports, how to come up with Star Wars sequel names, and most importantly, how to tell the difference between a geek, a nerd, and a dweeb.

Nov 17, 2016

"Bill Nye Saves the World" and "No, You Shut Up" writer CeCe Pleasants teaches us how to make perfectly crispy chicken, how to spend an entire podcast talking about the election, how to be a loser, how to be in secret Hillary Clinton Facebook groups, how to not engage with conservative family members, how to be in musicals, and how to talk even more about the election. Sorry for talking so much about the election, but here we go!

 

Nov 10, 2016

In an episode recorded BEFORE the election, Nerdist writer and director Ben Mekler teaches us how to make the perfect vacation itinerary, how to get the F out of Florida, how to get through film school and get started in Hollywood, how to work for Pauly Shore, how to buy a house, and how to put a pack of wolves to good use. Then we play a game called "Maximizing Life," where we get dark and deep. But it was before the election so it was pretty chill.

Nov 3, 2016

Comedian Liza Treyger (Comedy Cellar, Seth Meyers, Comedy Central's The Half Hour) teaches us how to fix every problem with honesty, how to be a jew in Iowa, how to insult a cop without getting shot, how to survive a neo-Nazi parade, how to start comedy in Chicago, how to ruin a friendship over Shrek, how to get passed at the Comedy Cellar in NYC, how to terrorize your roommate till they move out, how to prepare a standup set for TV, and how to get kicked out of a White Sox game. Then we play a rousing game of Britney Spears Trivia, in which we review the time Britney Spears married a man named Jason Alexander, giving us all one brief moment where we said, "Wait..."

Oct 27, 2016

"Bill Nye Saves the World" writer Flora Lichtman teaches us how to fish, how to get paid to live in an Italian paradise, how to whale-watch for a living, how to work in public radio, how to have a hateable voice, how to kill a whale with pop music, how to know the difference between lure and bait, how to eat poison fish from the East River, and how to deal with a sleepy podcast host.

Oct 20, 2016
Comedian and "Chris Gethard Show" writer Will Miles teaches us how to mentally check out at important meetings, how to learn life lessons from the show "Blossom," how to avoid being stereotyped at a white college, how to get noticed by a commercial casting agent and make bank, and how to get punched in the face by a girl. Then we play a game of "Fuck, Marry, Kill" with great figures from Chicago. And also people Wikipedia said were from Chicago.
Oct 13, 2016

"Bill Nye" writer and radio host Sanden Totten teaches us how to be a JNCO-wearing punk, how to have Drucker as a boss, how to do a killer Ira Glass impression, how to be a "Game of Thrones" character, how to break into the sexy world of public radio, how to draw someone just from the sound of their voice, how to have fun in Bakersfield, California, how to rock out to a break-up song, and most importantly, how to deal with a dog that likes ska music. Then we play a game of "Punk Rock Grandma." What is that, you ask? We don't know! We just made it up!

 

Oct 6, 2016

Featuring us! And discussions about FaceTiming, group email anxiety, healthy water for dogs, saying goodbye to your old life, the country of Molliday, preparing for a massive earthquake, browser tab maintenance, and the true lesson of "Jiro Dreams of Sushi"-- just give up.

Sep 29, 2016

"Deadpool" and "Chewbacca" writer Gerry Duggan teaches us how to break into the world of comics, how to write for Deadpool, how to meet people at a comic book shop, how to write for an awards show hosted by Patton Oswalt, how to move to Los Angeles with nothing, how to embarrass yourself in front of Clint Eastwood, how to socialize at Comic-Con, and how to kill yourself in a Volkswagen Jetta. Then we play "Ultimate Crossover Battle," where Gerry tells us who would win the greatest crossovers of all time. Could Spider-Man take on an elderly man named Ben? Excelsior!

Sep 22, 2016

"Love" and "American Dad" writer Ali Waller teaches us how to build an empire of inspirational quotes, how to enjoy jam bands on molly, how to get a screenplay on the Black List, how to work with Judd Apatow, how to sneak into a Justin Bieber movie, how to write jokes for a living, how to let an Italian man climax on your face, how to get called mean by David Spade, how to flirt with your cat's cardiologist, and how to succeed by doing the opposite of good advice. Then we play "Mad Quotes," where Ali ruins our game by actually knowing every inspirational quote ever said. "Not cool, bro!" -Gandhi

Sep 15, 2016

Comedian and writer Joselyn Hughes teaches us how to fully appreciate the Backstreet Boys, how to say "crotch mouth" in Spanish, how to be a "graffiti consultant," how to suffer through an open mic, how to meet J.J. Abrams, how to perform at a casino, how to blog for Tosh.0, how to get fired from a restaurant, and how to make the most out of condoms and coffee filters. Then we challenge Joselyn to create art out of boring household items.

Sep 8, 2016

"The Good Place" star D'Arcy Carden teaches us how to not hate annoying people, how to handle horrible YouTube comments, how to become a famous photographer on Instagram, how to star in an NBC sitcom, how to be the class clown, how to survive drama school, how to impress cool musicians with improv comedy, how to be friends with Ted Danson, and how to imagine someone as a baby to stop hating them. Then we play a game where we find the redeeming qualities of Hitler and cyclists. 

Sep 1, 2016

"Brooklyn 99" and "Late Night" writer Alison Agosti teaches us how to find the best songs about conspiracy theories, how to be polite to people who get your name wrong, how to love dogs, how to not laugh at the name Rancho Cucamonga, how to write for a UCB sketch team, how to get a TV job from Twitter, how to fall in love in New York City, and how to find the worst music on YouTube. This entire episode was an inside job.

Aug 25, 2016

Comedian Jak Knight teaches us how to make Jolly Rancher sizzurp, how to deal with hecklers, how to succeed in comedy after only three years. how to have the worst Uber ride of all time, how to make your own nut milk, how to shut down a drunk racist, how to accidentally make cops fight each other, and how to make everyone jealous of your youth. Then we play "Yeezy Does It," where we find out how Kanye West would justify kicking a baby. Also, we are legally obligated to say that we do not condone or recommend trying anything we learned in this episode. (Especially making nut milk.)

 

Aug 18, 2016
"The Onion" and "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" writer John Howell Harris teaches us how to grow up on a farm, how to write the greatest Onion headline of all time, how to move it move it, how to get an amazing NYC internship, how to keep people from masturbating in a book store, how to create a terrifying version of Sesame Street, how to judge a Woody Allen movie, and most importantly, the skill you've all been waiting to learn....how to operate a mechanical bean picker. Then we play an aborted game of "Fake Out," where we try to identify fake news stories.
 
Aug 11, 2016

"Tonight Show" writer Caroline Eppright teaches us how to grow up with lawyers for parents, how to rise from PA to writer, how to find the best bbq in Kansas City, how to move to New York from the Midwest, how to create a 1-800 number for yourself, how to get coffee and donuts for Tina Fey, how to avoid a terrible massage, and how to be friends with cheap people. Then we play Bring Polite to a Fight, where we find the most Midwestern way to politely insult people. Bless your ugly mom's heart!

Aug 4, 2016

"Mr. Robot" and "Fear the Walking Dead" writer Kate Erickson teaches us how to stay sane on a family road trip, how to hitchhike without being murdered, how to walk across Spain in a month, how to attend zombie school, how to sleep in a barn, how to train yourself to write like your favorite writers, how to get diarrhea from tea, how to travel around the world for free, and how to survive an outdoor music festival. Then we play the ultimate road trip game, 20 Questions!

Jul 28, 2016

"Key & Peele" and "Rick and Morty" writer Alex Rubens teaches us how to be more optimistic, how to quit Facebook, how to write Pac-Man and Star Wars fan fic, how to work for the genius Dan Harmon, how to grow up in Manhattan like the kids from "Hey Arnold," how to write a movie about literally saving a cat ("Keanu"), how to get marriage advice from Method Man, and how to use nihilism to have a sunnier view of the world. Then we play On the Bright Side, where we try to stay positive during terrible situations. If your wife has left you for a guy who does parkour, this episode is for you. *Also, sorry about the subpar audio quality of this episode. We had some technical issues and promise to fix it next time!

Jul 20, 2016

IGN's Destin Legarie teaches us how to face your life when it's a mess, how to play video games for a living, how to leave Canada, how to have one of the top Wolverine websites in the world, how to love the old internet, how to get scammed by a for-profit college, how to livestream Pokemon Go, how to be alone, and finally, Destin teaches us what brown can do for you. Then we play Embracing the Mess, where Destin tells us how to solve any life problem. How would you save a group of homeless ferrets? How far would you go?

Jul 14, 2016

Co-host Jess Dweck teaches us (well, one of us) how to follow your passion and change careers, how to enjoy Pokemon Go without loving Pokemon, how to host a dog fashion show in Brooklyn, how to poke holes in the airtight plot of "Love Actually," how to abandon science for blogging, how to get paid writing for the internet, how to enjoy watching couples fight on HGTV, how to pick a grad school, how to get around Los Angeles on foot, and how to lose a job because of Twitter. Then we play "The Wisdom of Dweck," where Jess explains some of her famous quotes. Always remember: Dietary norms are arbitrary.

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